


drowning in womb water

by kogaritsu



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post-Canon, VERY slight implied reikao, Writing this made me sad, its just reis lack of self care and all that, very melancholy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 19:32:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19184206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kogaritsu/pseuds/kogaritsu
Summary: “I really am lucky, aren’t I?” He swallowed the lump in his throat, side-eyeing Ritsu.“Mhmm,” Ritsu chewed on the straw of his drink before, hesitantly, adding, “And I think I might be pretty lucky too.”





	drowning in womb water

**Author's Note:**

> if you even think of perceiving this as incest i will eviscerate you

A yawn tore itself through Rei’s throat, prompting him to lift a hand and cover his mouth as it fell open. Opening his eyes again had his vision blurry for a moment, eyes aching in the artificial lights around him. A camera shutter went off when he briefly stopped moving, capturing whatever empty expression his face had taken on. Without thinking, his rubbed at his eyes to alleviate the pain, ruining his elaborate eye makeup. To his left, Ritsu glanced his way, lips pressed together in a mix of concern and frustration. 

The man behind the camera shooed them off set before gesturing for Rei to have his makeup fixed before they continued. Rei did not, in fact, walk towards the makeup tent, peeling off to sit in the shade of the aged deck. It wasn’t much darker than the set they were using, but any improvement was still an improvement. Before long, Ritsu joined him, still model perfect though no longer sporting the wide-eyed and soft smiled expression he took on in front of the camera. He was clearly wired for modeling, whereas Rei wouldn’t have ever set foot in a studio if not for Ritsu’s request. Ever the people, or at least Ritsu, pleaser, he’d agreed to one shoot in exchange for a family dinner that excluded their parents. 

Honestly, the invitation _and_ agreement to dinner, should have struck Rei as a red flag from the beginning. He’d wanted to hope that his relationship with Ritsu was still correcting itself, and that his inclusion in his occupation was a show of it. It seemed, when Ritsu sat beside him and took his hand, that something was very much afoot. Rei didn’t like feeling out of the loop.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the attention, Ritsu, but may I ask the occasion?” Rei resisted the urge to pull his hand back when Ritsu’s moved to his wrist.

“Kaoru-san mentioned you weren’t doing very well,” Ritsu’s thumb pressed into the hollow of his wrist, easing tension Rei hadn’t even pinpointed, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m afraid there’s nothing to talk about, Ritsu, and even if there was something, I wouldn’t dare burden you with my troubles.” Rei tugged his wrist free, surprised to find resistance. 

“Don’t lie to me.” Pulling his hand away like he’d been electrocuted, Ritsu ground his teeth together. “It won’t make me hate you any less.”

An unspoken ‘but you don’t hate me’ sat heavy in the air between them, Ritsu sighed deeply through his nose. Rei reached for him when he stood and walked away, the movement making pain erupt at his temples and his vision splinter. Thankfully, his makeup had yet to be redone. He felt no guilt in pressing the heels of his hands into his eye sockets and pushing back until color burst over his eyelids. The hustle and bustle around him did very little for his headache, but at least the light was no longer ailing him. He stewed in his migraine for a few minutes, occasionally rubbing his temples in hopes of easing the pressure there. While it wasn’t working out, he certainly didn’t want to be interrupted; he, however, was rudely disturbed by footsteps drawing far too close for comfort. 

Looking up was a good choice, as Ritsu was standing in front of him, blocking the setting sun and offering a water bottle. When Rei didn’t immediately reach for the water, Ritsu tossed it into his lap, no doubt tinting the already dark silk of his kimono a hue or two darker with the condensation. The bottle was cold, though, and it was a pleasant feeling after several hours baking under both artificial and natural light. Clearly, Rei wasn’t responsive enough to satisfy Ritsu, who stooped to meet his eyes, squinting at him. 

“Onii-chan has always tried his best to take care of me…” Ritsu’s eyes were turned upward like he was smiling, despite his mouth remaining twisted into a pout, “It’s only fair that I try too, right?”

Rei nodded vacantly, blinking rapidly to vanquish tears that rushed to the corners of his eyes. Ritsu stood back up, retaking his seat on the steps next to Rei and producing from his sleeve a brightly wrapped protein bar. Rei took it from him with shaking hands, finding the wrapper had already been partially opened for him. His heart failed him, thumping in his ears and making it very hard to focus on anything by the sound of his blood moving. Ritsu deserved an answer, though, so he tuned it out.

“I really am lucky, aren’t I?” He swallowed the lump in his throat, side-eyeing Ritsu.

“Mhmm,” Ritsu chewed on the straw of his drink before, hesitantly, adding, “And I think I might be pretty lucky too.”

“I know I don’t give you enough patience sometimes,” Ritsu sucked down a few mouthfuls of juice, “Most of the time. And I know that we aren’t as close as we used to be.”

Rei didn’t respond, working his jaw until the bite of protein bar in his mouth was ingested without strain. He turned his body as he chewed, opening his posture to show he was indeed paying attention to what Ritsu was saying and prompting him to continue if he so desired. Ritsu looked lost in thought for a moment, long enough to make Rei believe that their conversation was already coming to an end. It was bittersweet, as Ritsu was never so open with his feelings; though the feelings between them were a double-edged blade on most occasions. Something told Rei that he didn’t want to hear what was brewing in Ritsu’s mind, but before he could put an end to his train of thought, Ritsu spoke.

“You spent our childhood protecting me from our family and its transgressions, and even though I didn’t want you to waste your life on mine,” Ritsu paused to inhale, licking his lips and clearing his throat, “Even though I didn’t want it, you promised you’d be my shield from womb to tomb. And it isn’t fair. Because you won’t even let me protect you from the one thing that’s hurting you the most.”

“What ever could you be talking about, Ritsu? I’m in peak condition now, you know, so there’s nothing to protect me from!” Attempting to open his water bottle made his hands hurt, so he settled on gathering the condensation against his palms. Ritsu was very clearly not impressed by his show of strength.

“It isn’t Kaoru-san that’s starving you out, and I don’t think it’s Corgi or me, either.” The cold edge of anger returned to Ritsu’s tone, as if the patience he’d just regained was already running out, “Pretending like you aren’t rotting away won’t stop it from happening, and I have no interest in watching you waste away again.”

Ritsu rubbed at his eye in a way that didn’t disturb the makeup, “I know it isn’t intentional, and no one’s mad at you. All anyone’s trying to do is help you, but we can’t do that if you push us away from what’s really wrong.”

“I know,” Rei grimaced at the sight of a tear hanging from Ritsu’s lower lashes, reaching to catch it before it smeared anything, “I’m sorry I haven’t done my part in staying healthy. I can’t expect you to do the most while allowing myself to wither, can I?”

“No.” Ritsu sounded hurt, voice thick and half an octave higher than normal as he flinched away, “You don’t get to worry me like that again.”

“Can I come closer?” Rei dropped his hand onto the wood between them, tacking on a ‘please’ when he felt Ritsu would decline.

Ritsu nodded without deliberation, knocking his unshed tears off his lashes and smudging his eye makeup. Rei shuffled close enough to loop his left arm around him, taken by surprise when Ritsu ducked into him, curling his knees close to his body. The arms around Rei’s midsection were tight enough to crack bones, sharp nails digging into the fine satin of his kimono. Guilt joined the immense concern clouding Rei’s mind, and he slouched to rest his chin of Ritsu’s head. 

“I’m so sorry, Ritsu, words will never express how truly sorry I feel for ever thinking I could have shut you out for so long.” He didn’t dare initiate any more contact, afraid of Ritsu flinching away again. 

“I miss you so much, but you’re right here,” Ritsu sniffled, refusing to open his eyes as if it’d spare him the mortification of being open, “Sometimes you don’t even feel like you.” 

Instead of apologizing again, Rei tightened his grip on Ritsu, using the warmth seeping through the sleeves of his kimono to ground himself. His eyes pressed shut again, jaw clenched and muscles stiff with the desire to stay strong for the both of them. The hiccuping of Ritsu’s cries, muffled in his chest, shook Rei to his very core, churning his stomach. Shushing him like he would a fussing baby, Rei swayed side-to-side, taking Ritsu with him. 

There was oh-so much wrong, and for once he had none of the tools necessary to fix his mistakes. He had Ritsu, though, and he had UNDEAD as well. Optimism was never Rei’s strong suit, but he figured it was worth a try, if nothing else would work.

**Author's Note:**

> my socials are @corgiritsu


End file.
